This is a very emotional story about a woman who goes to visit her old home 10 months after finding her husband when he commit suicide. She finally finds his suicide letter, which she had not known of for the past 10 months. She is then provided with some much needed closure. I really loved this story. It was written in such a way that it made me cry. You did a really good job of portraying the emotion of the characters as well as painting a beautiful picture of all of the flashbacks. Everything pieced together in a really wonderful way. My only question is really why he went to this length, which is also something that the narrator doesn’t completely know either. Were there signs of him struggling before that? I feel like that could be an interesting and helpful thing to maybe include a little bit of. Overall you did a really good job, and I really enjoyed this story.
Category: Uncategorized (Page 4 of 6)
This is a story about two girls who run away from home. They end up in New York, where they cut their hair and are planning on starting their new journey. I really liked how the characters both interacted with each other. It felt really natural and believable. I also really enjoyed the light hearted ending. It was a really cute bonding moment between the two girls. My questions mainly rely around their motives. Why are they running away? But also, where do they go from here? Realistically, they are going to screw up, so what happens then? But my main confusion lies around what happened that was so awful that they decided to run away? I don’t have much to add as far as suggestions go, other than to provide some context as to why this is happening and who they are as people.
This is a story of two rivals that secretly enjoy the other’s presence. They are fencing partners. One of them goes abroad for a few months, and in the time that they’re gone, the other one gets their leg lost in a fire. They end up being friends in the end, and help each other find a small bit of happiness again. I liked the progression of their relationship. It was interesting as a reader to know how much they meant to each other even though they swore that they hated one another. I also really enjoyed the ending in the sense that you get to see their relationship finally reach a point where it is no longer a competition, but rather that they simply care about each other. I don’t have my questions in regards to this story other than the reason for their animosity. I’m not sure if we are meant to not have many details on purpose, but I think it could be interesting to know more about that part of their relationship.
This is a story about two thieves who were trying to turn their life around and stop stealing. But they decided to steal “one last time”. The mission was to steal a ruby from a museum. This is also a story about young love and shared trauma. They share a lot of the same experiences, and that helps them grow a stronger bond with each other. I liked the action of this story. It was a very quick read because of the constant events that were happening. I could see the fight scenes happening in my head, and I could feel the stress of the characters after being caught. The main thing I question is the believability of it all. There is one part in particular where it’s said that “the guards left her bag for some reason”. It just seems a little too convenient. Other than that, I don’t really have many suggestions other than possibly a little more context as to who they were before all of the thieving happened. What is the organization? How did they become a part of it?
This is a heartbreakingly beautiful story about a little girl whose best friend was hit by a car and killed all but 5 years prior. She was having her birthday party and had to see her friend’s parents again for the first time since that day. The last thing she has to really remember her friend is their bunny named pistachio. I really loved the ending and the voice in which the story was written. I am once again in awe of your description of things. The crash itself was written in such a poetic way that it was heart wrenching but not ridiculously gorey. I also loved the title and how it all connects throughout the story. Overall it was just very beautifully written. It makes me wonder a lot about the mom and how she became so cold. Was she always this way? I feel like I need an explanation. As far as suggestions go, nothing really comes to mind right now other than elaborating on the mom. You did a really good job with this one Sophie, I really liked it.
This is a story about a sheltered girl with and over protective mother. She gets caught in a snow storm after she crashes her car and is forced to find shelter. She ends up in a boys house. He is flirty at first, but ultimately helps her, listens to her, and comforts her. I really loved the character development. In the beginning I really didn’t like Jasper, but by the end I was really rooting for him to be a good guy. He offered Maisey some comfort, and for that I believe that I actually do trust his character a little bit. I also like the story line with the dysfunctional household. It was well integrated and I never felt lost. At the moment, I don’t have any questions. I also don’t have many suggestions, as I feel like the distrust I still have for Jasper makes the story dynamic and interesting, and I feel like it wraps up really nicely.
This is a story about college freshmen that are roommates and have become best friends (maybe more than that from the narrator’s perspective). June, one of the roommates, has just told our narrator that she is leaving the school. They have a heart to heart moment and realize that this is likely going to be the last time they live together and see each other, as they are going to be living separate lives. I like that the story wasn’t overly dramatic. It isn’t over the top and is actually pretty relatable. Not only is it believable, but it is written in a somewhat romantic manner in the sense that I am invested in the characters and can feel their turmoil. I don’t have many questions other than is there anything romantic between them? The way that it’s written gives off the vibe that there might be. The only suggestion that I have might be to know more about the narrator. We know that she is a quiet listener, but her personality doesn’t really come through all that much in her voice.
This is a story about a girl who is essentially covering up a murder. She hits an old man with her car in the middle of a rain storm, and instead of bringing him to a hospital, she buries him alive in the woods. She has a bad relationship with her mom, and she had a wonderful relationship with her dad before he died. I liked the parts of the story surrounding the actual crime and cover up. I felt like those parts were really well written and suspenseful. The ending was also really good, but it leaves me wanting more. I am confused about the whole side plot of the girl’s anxiety. It seemed to sort of drag on and started to make me forget about the original plot of her killing a man with her car. I would also suggest not to say the word “anxiety” so many times. There were one or two paragraphs near the beginning where it was said in almost every sentence and it made it sound choppy.
This is the story of a mother experiencing very severe depression and anxiety. You get an inside look over one of her very severe panic attacks, as if it were a battle between herself with her children against a dragon. When she starts to see herself resemble the dragon, she finally admits that she is ready to seek professional help. I really like the way that the story is written. I was constantly on the edge of my seat waiting for whatever was going to happen next. Then realizing the symbolism as it all comes together in the end was really cool to see. I thoroughly enjoyed the way that this is written. The main question that sticks out to me in the paragraph about the mugger on page 6. What is it? Is it supposed to be there? There’s no other mention of it and no story line that goes with it. There’s a lot of jumping in and out of different story lines, which I understand due to the fact that she is in the middle of an anxiety attack. However, it does make it difficult to follow along as to exactly what is real and what is happening in the present time. The story itself is also very long, as it is ten pages single spaced right now, it feels more like a short novel rather than a short fiction piece.
It is a story about a kitchen staff writing from the perspective of Trevor, a chef who was being possibly scouted for a high position in the kitchen. He has feelings for another chef in the kitchen named Jack. Jack is highly praised by everyone in the kitchen and that makes Trevor jealous. In the end, Jack expresses some possible interest, but it turns out that he already has a partner. I really like the way that this story is written. I felt like it was almost a movie. I could see it all happening in my head as if it were on a screen, rather than the normal visuals that come with reading. I really enjoyed that only the important characters were given names, it made things significantly less confusing even though there were a lot of characters. It does leave me with quite a few questions. Is Jack actually interested in Trevor or did he misinterpret that? Or is Jack manipulating Trevor because of the possible promotion? Did Trevor get completely declined for the new position? Did Sully walking in on Jack and Trevor have something to do with him not getting the promotion? The main suggestion I have is the length. The beginning is a lot. It takes a while of kitchen service before we get into the actual interaction between the characters, and that interaction ends up being very brief. I really enjoyed the story though!
