Everyone always says college is the “best four years of your life”. What a load of bullshit.
Orientation was a fever dream. Nobody ever tells you that it is simply a load of meaningless tasks to keep you busy so that you don’t have time to miss home and have a breakdown. But guess what, once that’s over, you have nothing. You have to start from square one. Learn how to make friends again, even though you haven’t had to really do that since kindergarten. I decided to go four hours from home, so I know literally no one. I have to pretend like I’m not losing my mind in this new found isolation, but at the same time, I never get to be alone anymore. My roommate? She never leaves the room. I can’t even take a nap without her clacking away at her keyboard. I’m going to transfer. Who the hell was I to think that going to the smallest school in the middle of nowhere would be anything short of shitty.
The endless string of photos and updates from my hometown friends at parties and football games infuriates me. None of that is even remotely offered in my small corner of hell. Sure, I want them to have the college experience that is portrayed on the big screen. I want them all to thrive and make stupid decisions that create the most insane memories, but selfishly I want that for myself too. It’s just that I —
“Holy shit! I’m sorry”
I didn’t even know what to say back, as my entire journal was now soaked in coffee from this kid with two left feet that practically flipped my chair with how hard he just crashed into me.
“It’s fine” was all that I could manage to say back in an attempt to not make a scene. I’ve been journaling every day since I got to school. It was my outlet. Now it’s all gone.
This idiot boy looked at me with wide eyes. The bright orange lanyard around his neck screaming I’M A FRESHMAN almost as loudly as the class map clearly displayed on his phone (obviously the thing that was so unbelievably important that he can’t bother to watch where he’s going). He gives me the napkin that he had wrapped around his coffee cup, as if that’s going to help anything. I couldn’t help but laugh lightly at how ridiculous this whole situation was. Noticing my chuckle, his eyes meet mine.
“I’m Harrison by the way” he says, offering his hand to me.
I shake it, being polite. “I’m Bree”.
I’ve never really been one for small talk. Actually, I’ve never really been one to talk at all. I am ok on my own, usually. I thrive on my own at home, but for some reason, this new environment is making that impossible.
He takes a seat across from me, even though he never asked.
“Let me guess,” he says with a small sigh as he leans back in his chair, “you have no friends either. In fact, you thought you were going to absolutely flourish in college, but now you find that you’re bored and have nobody to talk to because all of your friends from home went to bigger schools and have no shortage of activities. So, now you’re sitting alone in this sad little dining hall trying not to call your parents and say you hate it here. What do I have wrong?”.
My jaw nearly hit the floor. I don’t know whether to be majorly offended or impressed. Who the hell does this kid think he is? Walking in here as if he knows anything about me. But at the same time, he knows everything about me at this given moment. At home I get to fly under the radar. I had grown comfortable with having to never be noticed by people and never having to engage in conversation, but I’m willing to pretend for a little, which is why I respond.
“Let me guess. Psych major. Probably grew up not too far from here. Already making a name for yourself by trying to talk to every person you see even though they clearly look like they want nothing more than a little peace and quiet. Brutally honest, and don’t give a single fuck about what anyone thinks of you, which is either one of your only redeeming qualities, or the single worst thing about you. What do I have wrong?”.
He smiles, seemingly impressed by my ability to speak my mind, or he thinks I’m kidding (which I’m not).
“I’m impressed”, he begins, “strong theory, but you’re completely wrong about everything except for the fact that, you’re right, I don’t give a single fuck about what people think about me. I’m not a psych major, I’m just observant. But all I did was describe everything I was feeling and projected it onto you, hoping desperately that I am not the only one who feels completely and utterly lost right now”.
This was strangely comforting. This obnoxious kid, whom I would’ve found painfully annoying at home, was actually giving me a wake up call that I didn’t really expect to have on this random Wednesday.
“Let’s exchange schedules,” he says with a curious look on his face.
I hand over my phone with my class map displayed. He quickly looks over his next to mine, comparing to see what lines up.
He chuckles as he hands my phone back to me, “we have literally every class together aside from one. Want to be best friends?”
“I totally would if I wasn’t planning on transferring at the end of the semester”, I respond bluntly.
“We just got here,” he says “you can’t just quit after the first week of classes”.
“I’ll tell you what,” I say challengingly “I’ll give you three months to change my mind. That gives you up until my deadline to commit to other colleges”.
“I only need one,” he says confidently getting up from the table. “Now come on, we have biology”.
I get up from the table, still holding my coffee soaked journal, as I follow him to the door of the dining hall. The entire way to class, we effortlessly chit chat by giving each other the brief overview of our life story. Finally having someone to sit next to in class was a refreshing feeling. It allowed me to focus and pay attention rather than feeling like everyone was looking at me and judging me for keeping to myself.
Once class ended, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. I don’t have any homework yet, so I guess I’m probably going to sit in my room –
“Hey,” Harrison says as we stand up “want to go to Petco and get a fish or some shit?”.
I laughed out loud before exclaiming “fuck yeah I do!”.
It was this sort of dumb stuff that I had missed so painfully from home. The random drives and visits to shops we simply didn’t need to visit. The effortless laughter and doing things for fun rather than because I was assigned to.
The ride to the pet store was never filled with awkward silence, but rather the entertainment of figuring out that we are oddly similar. We both have one sibling, play a sport, speak sarcasm way too fluently, have similar music tastes, and our home towns are literally 45 minutes from each other.
At the pet store, Harrison picked out a bright blue betta fish, telling me that he and his roommate already have the tank and everything set up in their dorm. Apparently he had gotten fairly close with his floor and was convinced that they’d like me. This is another notion I was not used to, but something in me was saying that I should give this new friendship a shot.
Once we returned back to campus, I followed him into his dorm to meet everyone. I had never been more stressed, this was a lot of socializing in such a short amount of time, but he assured me that it would be ok.
As we opened the door to the hallway, the atmosphere was already so much different from my dorm. Nearly everybody was in the hallway or had their door open. When they heard the door close behind Harrison and I, we were hit with an abundance of:
“Harrison! Man, you’re back! What’d you get?” and “Don’t be rude, man! Who’s your new friend?”
Everyone was so happy. It was the first time since I had gotten here that I had seen so many people laughing and smiling. Once Harrison had introduced me to a select handful of the people who he had come to call his friends, he and I went into his room to put the fish in the tank.
“You’re not much of a socializer,” Harrison said looking at me.
“Why do you say that?” I ask, almost offended, “I actually liked them”.
“I didn’t say you didn’t like them, but you looked a little too relieved when I closed the door again-”, he laughed as his phone rang.
He read me so easily it was almost scary. As he had his very brief phone conversation, I looked around the room. Stereotypical boys’ room is how I’d describe it. Photos littered the wall of his family, friends from home, and I’m assuming the one in the large frame is his girlfriend. Hanging up his phone, he looked at me,
“My girlfriend is here to meet you, I told her how I think you and her will really get along”
And just like that, he was leaving the room. Within two minutes he was back with this kind looking blonde with a soft smile.
“Bree, this is my girlfriend Carmen! Carmen, this is my new friend Bree” Harrison said with a ridiculously big smile on his face.
For the next four hours, Harrison, Carmen, and I talked about anything and everything under the sun. I knew from the second I met her, that Carmen and I were going to be really good friends. We found out that we both have an unhealthy addiction to coffee and have made plans to try a new coffee shop every Tuesday since we get out of class at the same time. It has now been five days since I have first met Harrison. He has single handedly introduced me to everyone that I now know. We get dinner in the dining hall together every night, and find random shit to do to pass our time; whether it be playing games, watching movies, throwing a football around, it literally doesn’t matter.
I finally don’t hate it here. And I know that sounds ridiculous. Like Bree, relax, it was five days. But also, I feel like I can trust them with anything, and I’m actually really excited. This journal? Harrison got it for me as a “sorry I destroyed your other one” gift, while Carmen got me a coffee mug to go with it because she thinks that the way we met is single handedly the funniest story that one could tell.
All of the kids from his floor have now started recognizing me out and about. I constantly hear “BREE” randomly across campus. Normally I would be mortified, but I found it to be the reason I smile more often now than ever.
As I went to hit submit on my transfer applications, I found myself hesitating. Maybe I should give this place a chance. But who the hell was I kidding? This is where I have to be. You know when people always say how you “just know” when you’re choosing a college? These people. They were my “just know” moments.
3 months.
I gave him 3 months to change my mind.
And it took him a total of 5 days.
